It’s the little things in life…
2020 has been incredibly tough for everyone, with everything that has been going on. And I know I touched on it briefly in another post, but it’s been one of the hardest years of my entire life. I’m always honest with you here, and I feel lately I haven’t opened up as much as I used to and connected with you, and that’s purely because I have been in a very vulnerable and unhappy place for some time. I don’t think I have ever cried as much in my entire life put together, as I have this year. It’s been one hell of a journey, but I’m finally starting to feel like I’m in a better place at the moment. With this in mind, I thought I would do some writing/sharing therapy here and explain a little bit about my year, and then focus on the positives of what’s kept me going this year, and I’m extremely thankful for.
As you know, in January, Adam and I broke up after being together around 12 years and engaged. I had known him for almost half of my lifetime, and he’d been my best friend for that duration of time. Things didn’t work out in the end, and even though we decided to remain friends and work together, that didn’t happen and unfortunately he has moved on in a different direction. This is really sad as he’s important to me, and I can only hope things change in the future.
Then there’s another guy, one that I have been friends with since late last year, from America, and we were finally going to meet each other in April, but Covid stopped all of that. We fell in love this year via the internet and Facetime (you might not think that’s possible, but it is) and unfortunately nothing has been able to come of that because of the travel restrictions and not being able to meet, with extreme highs and lows, so that was another break up. We are still best friends, but my heart has been torn into pieces this year, just by love alone.
All of this, coupled with the lockdowns and not being able to travel or see friends, I feel like I’ve been frozen in time in a negative space this year while the government is in control of my life. I’m still frustrated daily, because I want to start my new life, and I can’t, but I know so many people are in the same position. Anyway, without putting too much negative energy here, I wanted to make a positive point and focus on the things that have helped me out so much this year. The things that have kept me going and kept me sane, for the most part, during these trying times.
I’m sure a lot of you feel this way, but can you imagine being in the midst of this pandemic without the internet and Facetime? Not being able to see my family and friends at all in person has been horrible, but Facetime has been a life saver. I hang out all the time on Facetime with my best friend in America and that’s kept me sane. Just having Facetime on while you do normal things like watch movies, do the dishes, chat about fashion etc. like you would in person, but via a screen, has been one of my most treasured moments this year. Without that, I would be in a much darker place. I can’t even express how much love and happiness I feel when I see parts of America through the camera.
This one might seem a little weird, but I have appreciated clothes so much more this year. Not having any places to wear my outfits, and buying less clothing, has been really eye opening. I would take new items for granted, I would take wearing a cool outfit for granted, and now I’m focusing so much on wearing nice outfits just to do something simple like run to the shops in my mask. I never knew how much I appreciated fashion until wearing my outfits was taken away from me. Browsing online stores has been something I’ve done daily, it gives me things to look forward to while I’m stuck inside.
I’m not someone who has the best of health anyway, as you know I was born with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, but I will admit that a lot of the resting and downtime that I’ve had this year has been really helpful on my joints and body in general. I haven’t caught any viruses and I’ve been fairly pain free this year, compared to other years, so I’ve valued my health and been grateful for it, especially when so many people have lost their lives.
Without the delivery drivers who kept working during the pandemic and lockdowns, things would have been so hard! We would regularly get food delivered and receiving packages always brightens up your day. So to all the delivery drivers out there, I thank you so much for continuing your work and helping everyone, making sure we all still get supplies. The same goes out to all the key workers who have kept the country going and put their lives at risk to help others, especially those in the medical industry.
Family & Friends
I can only imagine how tough this year has been for those people who live alone and didn’t get the opportunity to see their friends and family. I’m extremely thankful for my family and friends and without them, I would be in such a bad place. My mum has been a rock in helping me through my emotional times and heartbreak this year.
Music & Youtube
I feel like this one is pretty self explanatory, but I couldn’t live without music. I listen to it everyday and without it, my life this year would have been empty. The same goes for Youtube, I look forward to people’s new videos and being able to be transported into another world for a moment.
And finally, hope. Hope that things will improve, hope that the travel ban will soon be lifted, hope that I will find the right partner for me… hope has kept me going, it’s kept me focused, and it’s kept me as positive as possible during these times. I almost lost it numerous times, and felt defeated, but I have hope again. This year has taught me a lot about myself, I have more confidence in myself, I know what I’m looking for in a boyfriend, and I’m hopeful I can start my new life sometime soon.
What are some of the things you are have been grateful for this year? Lorna xx.